(no subject)

[ladyoflions]

There were certain things Rosalie has accepted when she and Bran had begun their affair. The first, that their love would always remain a secret was a hard but necessary truth. A bitter pill to swallow of course, but it was better than not having him. Unless they one day actually took up the silly idea of running away they would always have to just be brother and sister to those around them. And as tempting a the idea of just going, leaving for good was both of them knew how much it would hurt Mia. It was something they could never truly do, abandon her and tear the last of their family to shreds.

The second in many ways was tied to the first. Children would never be a thing for her, not while she remained with him. There would just be too many issues, from possible problems with the baby to the threat of anyone ever finding out who the father was. It would cause suspicion and rumours and perhaps it was selfish but she’d pick Bran over a child any day. It was an easy price to pay for her, someone who had never been the most maternal anyway.

But Bran. Oh Bran would be an amazing father, she was sure of it. If anything that was what made her ache the most, the fact that she had denied him the chance of that life. That was what was really selfish, to want him so badly that she couldn’t let go of him to let him try and have that life with another woman, who could give him more than secrecy. Could give him a life he deserved. It made her heart to consider, thoughts that would come any time they ran into children in the village, Bran always having a smile and a laugh as well as a few minutes of his time to share with them. He would be an excellent father, the very best and it was always enough to make her daydream of children with his shade of golden to their curls and the brightness of his smile.

But it didn’t mean she let herself be stupid. They took whatever precautions they could, from herbs to avoiding intimacy on certain days. From avoiding penetration and making sure he pulled out when they didn’t to spend on her stomach instead of inside her. They had been safe and yet…

There’s only so long Rosalie can lie to herself. She’s had her monthly time be delayed before, she tells herself. It’s just stress. And the nausea in her stomach? Just a sickness, she’s sure, or something she ate. Even if it occurs each day, even as those days stretch into weeks. Lying to herself is easier than considering the truth but one day she runs her hands over her stomach, feels a new firmness there. And she feels the swell, slight as it is and even if she wasn’t already nauseous she thinks she’d feel ill.

She doesn’t believe that Mia believe her when she claims she just feels ill today and begs the day off to rest. She know her sister has probably heard her being sick, seen how she recoils from some smells and tastes. Her sister is a woman too, must know what these signs lead to. But she doesn’t press today, thankfully, just sends her back to bed. Tells her Bran will bring her up something to eat soon, and Rosie does as she’s told.

Her bed always feels cold without him in it but today it’s like ice. Or perhaps that’s the ice in her veins she’s feeling as she curls up under the covers to wait for him. Dread is wrapping around her heart with icy fingers and without thinking her hand finds her belly, finds the curve that shouldn’t be there and she’s so stupid. But they had been so sure and she curls a little tighter, throat aching and without realising she starts to cry, sniffles soft.